Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
