i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
