I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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