I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
