I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
