My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
