Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
