Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
