The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize