There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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