Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
