My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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