I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
