Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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