so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
