it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Found the puke drawer
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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