Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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