you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
