There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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