I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
