can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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