He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
