I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
