I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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