My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
