Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
