I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
