I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize