i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
