True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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