Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
