Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
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