I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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