Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
