I think I died a long time ago.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
