24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
