It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
