last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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