the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
