I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
