Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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