Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
