In the future we'll all be gay
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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