They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
