Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize