I just saw a hot homeless man
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
