I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
