I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
