And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
