@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
