just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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