dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
