I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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