You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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