Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
