I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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