Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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