Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
