we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
