Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
