Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
