Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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