turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How naked do you want me to be?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
