Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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