Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
