there was a trapeze. enough said
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sext me about skeletons
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
